Baron Shearman
Gary Silence
Murky Jill
Keith Drastic
Purloin Rot
Gammy Alan
Thrullin D'Stilts
Sleeves E. Havoc
Driscoll Thundercrust
Lingo Torment
Timian Coffincrisps
Tuppin Bandy Dumfinger
Scuffin The Truth
Doomfeatures
Nicholas Cage
Sir Susan Gent
Thirty Today D'Stumpy McFortnight
Child
Nominal Funce
Goodbye Horizon Smith
Dogsmack Silent-Grain
Betty Tumble Eyeball-Seizure
Tumblethrill Scoffins
Let me know if you use any of these names. There is no charge for you, but I will take a percentage of the child's earnings. And if it's twins, I want first dibs to exhibit them.
Since Scoffins is in fact our last name, we have actually used it on our child. Granted, it may not be quite as exciting as Eyeball-Seizure, but there it is.
ReplyDeleteThis is completely stupid, children take the surname of the parent! Why would parents be looking for surnames as well as Christian names? Fucking jerk. I hate this, you, and everything. Sometimes I scrunch my face up and imagine the whole planet destroyed and everyone dead but me. Just a smouldering wasteland and me skipping around correcting typos on blackened signs. I picture this joyless world and laugh. But then I open my eyes and everyone is back and my kids are asking for more Ribena. At some point I realise the screams I can hear are mine.
ReplyDeleteLove, Judith
(Daily Mail reader and enthusiastic racist)